Its a confession post,yes I want to confess I have been a completely non Montessori when it comes to handling my sons tantrums and melt downs.I have shouted on him told him will throw him out if he doesn’t stop his drama, have man handled him.It can’t get any crazier at 18 months, he has been behaving so strong headed that it becomes so difficult to handle him.
While flying from Oman to Kolkata we had a connecting flight at chennai so it was a long travel and needless to mention exhausting; we were ready for a tired baby to carry but toddlers are the most unpredictable species on this earth.He was full of energy and refused to sleep and this resulted in a highly cranky baby at landing.Just as we landed and were boarding the bus he had a desire to climb the stairs of the flight again and again and yes we had a bad melt down and I cursed the airport authority for not having an aero bridge but then the reason would have been something else for a cranky fit.No amount of cajoling and counselling stopped him from crying his heart out and all we could do was trying our skills to calm him down in turn till the time he was tired and slept in the cab.This was a whole half an hour before he slept.
That half an hour I had been angry felt like crying myself,leaving him alone for a while but no options were possible as we were not at home. It added to my frustration and the second melt down at home made me furious but since he was surrounded by my in laws I had to control some how.
After two days we travelled to Delhi to my Mom’s place where I had a final showdown he refused to go to anyone and was cranky for no good reason.The reasons were pretty obvious, his father left for oman so he was missing him, he is used to just two of us so new people with his father not being around was completely unacceptable for him, but my mind refused to acknowledge these reasons and I shouted, shouted for the very first time on him so badly that even thinking about that episode now makes me feel guilty.I told him I would throw him out and cried my heart out and told him now I can’t handle him.
How could I? He has been travelling and was tired, he is not use to so many new faces and he was meeting new every time, he is teething and that makes it worst for him.The faces he is showing arrogance to are new to him and it might hurt me seeing him not accepting my mom but for him they are just new people he doesn’t remember a bit of what my mom did for him or what my sister did for him.My expectation of him accepting my dear ones is so unreal.
So this episode of my shouting and break down made me learn one thing. Losing my temper did good to no one. My mother and sister were upset with me for behaving so bad and losing it on the poor baby.My baby hugged me thinking I am upset and was clingy all the time.I have never felt so bad in my entire life.
This has made realise few things
- Understand what my baby is going through.
- Not to pass the burden of my expectations on to his shoulders
- Keep my anger and frustration to myself and never pass it on to the baby.I know it is difficult but somehow its really important.
- A meltdown needs a calm parent , a frustrated parent only adds to the misery.
- Everyone goes through it I am not alone may be the only one at that point of time .
- People will give me looks and suggestions but my baby is none of any one’s business.
- Relax and remember that he is my same baby who gets fits of laughter for no reason ,so a meltdown here and there is ok.
I didn’t write this post to tell the tips to handle the meltdowns but honestly just wanted to share an experience with mommies so that somewhere some mommy would relax reading it and thinking she is not the only one and feel less guilty maybe.